Ben Ayers

In a great article in a fairly barren Observer yesterday, Carole Cadwalladr asked the question: So are we all tories now?

In it, she made the case that “the Sloanes - and their political wing, the Tories…(have) colonised traditional Liberal-Labour territory in an audacious ideological landgrab.”

So much of what she said was wonderfully observed, like this:

This is blitzkrieg, total warfare and, last week, the Panzer divisions of the ideological wing of the Conservative party managed to take the equivalent of Poland, claiming for themselves not only the entire British seaside but also the Smiths, Radiohead and Gorillaz. For as well as trouncing Gordon in the first inaugural Fake Holiday Photo Op head-to-head, Cameron also presented a selection of his favourite CDs, to Barack Obama, and in so doing branded them with the Conservative stamp.

Sound familiar? All a bit cool Bitannia, no?

As sure as we have a boom and bust economy, Britain is famous for a boom and bust fickleness when it comes to politics. And while the time may have almost come for first time buyers, the writer argues that the Tories may have their day in the sun thanks to an ideaological shift less to do with cracking down on violent crime or easing the burdens of excessive tax, and more to do with parking their tanks on the roughly shewn, shabby chic lawn of liberal middle England.

Everything that I, as a paid-up, Guardian-reading, organic muesli-eating, Red Ken-voting, farmers’ market-visiting, lentil-cooking, metropolitan-living, city cyclist, hold dear - being nice to battery chickens and veal calves, buying fish that has been caught by a grizzled old man using nothing more technologically advanced than a bit of a string, buying only the most humanitarian coffee beans known to man - suddenly all these things seem to have become not only part of the Conservative party manifesto but also, and believe me, it pains me to say this, posh.

Despite her astute observations about what appears to be a cultural shift, the writer’s assertion that the Tories had somehow hijacked the cycling agenda was a bit far-fetched.

A bike, it turns out, is not a handy way of getting around, but an essential lifestyle accessory for an ambitious modern Conservative in search of a job in a future government. It’s not even just Boris and Cameron; George Osborne, Cameron’s Mini-Me, has started cycling into work, as well as David Willetts and Oliver Letwin and dozens upon dozens of younger, backbench Tory wannabes. It’s almost enough to make you leave your bike unlocked in a public place and paint a big arrow pointing to it saying ‘nick me’.

She goes on:

How dare the Tories steal cycling? It just seems so cynical, a feeling confirmed when I phone the ex-Tory MP and polemical author George Walden, who emails back an extract of his last book Time to Emigrate? which notes that ‘If a Tory MP rides a bike you can be sure that it’s not for exercise, or to get anywhere quicker, or a plea for environmental sainthood. It’s because he went to Eton.’

As someone who got his bike nicked on the same day as Cameron and wasn’t fortunate enough to have the newsworty credentials that would guarantee its safe return, you’d be forgiven for assuming I’d agree.

Actually I think the adotion of the bicycle by the rising ruling class is a happy consequence of some pretty harsh realities. Believe me, I’ve seen Cameron cycling in central London and he looked like he was quite enjoying himself. He certainly wasn’t grimacing, though he didn’t have a helmet on, which Cadwalladr would probably speculate was to avoid ruining his Tory boy quiff.

If the Tories get in then we’ll be sure to make sure they carry follow through on their bike promoting promises. In the meantime, I’m just happy to see the humble bicycle get the coverage it deserves. Cycling has never been more popular and I am fairly convinced it has less to do with its adotion by a couple of Tories and more to do with congested roads, lacklustre public transport and, dare I say it, a realisation that reliance on the motor car simply can’t continue unabated. Perhaps, when it comes to choosing their modes of transport, the Tories are just finally seeing sense like everyone else.